i should probably be going to bed (or getting ready for bed), but the past few weeks have been crazy and i'm not exactly sure when i'll get another opportunity to write.
school's going well. i'm the third-oldest in my course, and i feel it daily. so many of the kids oin my class don't seem to care. maybe i care too much because i've been waiting for an opportunity like this for so long - who knows?
regardless, i don't really want to write about school. frankly, i dn't want to waste time when i could be sleeping. i need to write about something a bit more important...
one of mine and joe's friends died friday. his truck was hit by a sewage truck on the 13th (i think - i can't really remember and don't want to bother looking. wasn't important anyways) and the dillon on september 11th. he was in a coma until they took him off life support.
people die every day - people our age die every day. people we know die a bit less frequently, but it happens. i wasn't particularly close to kenny, though i liked him enough. he was a great guy - he made people smile, he laughed a lot and had a genuineness about him that so few have now. that alone should be enough reason for me to lament his untimely death. there's so much more to it, though...
kenny was a newlywed (well, as much as joe and i are), and a daddy. his daughter mya is a little older than joey - five months to be exact. joe had gone four-wheeling with kenny before. we hung with the same crowd. he was very close with joe's cousins - in fact, he was leaving gerry and erin's to go home when the accident occurred.
i think what really makes this accident so scary is how close to home it hit - that could have been joe. if the universe doesn't care that, on average, probably only five cars run that intersection daily, it probably doesn't care which 28 (or, in joe's case, 29)-year-old it takes from his baby girl either... candice and kenny could have just as easily been at joe's funeral while i tried to keep my composure (probably not half as good as candice did - she was a rock today, and i was too much of a baby to even go up to her) as my world fell down around me.
it's also impossibly unfair. just totally unfair.
so, to everyone who reads this (all, oh, four of you? and jackie too! ;) ), please, hold your babies a little tighter tonight. even if your significant other pisses you off, "forgets" to do the dishes, then expects sex, give them a hug and try not to be too mad at them. it's just not fucking worth it, and i've got to start realizing that...
r.i.p. kenny - you've made a bigger impact than you'll probably ever know...

so, i got the call from the mtcu yesterday. my funding got approved, so that's a good thing. unfortunately, i probably won't see a dime until about three weeks after this coming wednesday. so, in other words, i'll still be poor for a couple of weeks, unless i get an emergency loan from the school (which i may just have to do). these past few weeks have been some of the most stressful ones i've ever lived through. i don't think i've ever had so many pimples at once - honestly - it's ridiculous!
so, i went back-to-school shoppng today. i was completely overwhelmed. i had no idea what things are supposed to cost anymore, and i wasn't exactly sure what i needed. hopefully, i can make it rhough the first couple of weeks with what i picked up... ni know there's still a bunch of things i'll need, but they'll have to wait. it certianly wasn't like when i was in high-school and mommy would give me her grand and toy credit card and tell me to "get what i needed"... that normally meant about thirty dollars in pens, maybe a hundred in binders, the newest and neatest whiteout, twelve different colours of highlighters, art pencils, white gum erasers, sketch pads, and always forgetting lined paper. well today, she would have been proud - i bought 200 sheets of lined paper, and it rang through at 33 cents. it pertty much made my day (which is a direct testament to how boring my life has become).
on a different note, the "for sale" sign went up today. very exciting. i can only hope this place sells - fast. i want that other house so much i'm dreaming that we're already living there. my biggest fear right now is not getting it and having to styay here. my whole positivity plan was actually based around the things i wanted not coming to fruition - kind of a way to get me to not put so much stock into things i can't control. unfortunately, i'm still the same old april. i know is we don't get that house, i'll be devastated. so, let's all hope everything works out! ;)

finally...

the papers are signed, initialed dated and faxed - we should be getting our "for sale" sign very soon... the pictures have been sent to our agent, and the house should be posted on mls either this afternoon or tomorrow.
echoing tanna's statements, how do we make someone fall in love with our house? i doubt anyone will, but we still have to try. i never even liked this place, so it's really difficult for me to understand anyone wanting it. but, someone will - i just have to be positive.
photo group tonight... i don't even know where we're going to shoot. i don't really even have time - i have to get groceries, and there's still so much to do around here.
i still haven't got a call from the mtcu either. i was told they'll be notifying everyone by friday (which is tomorrow). i'm scheduled to start class tuesday. at least the wait wil be over soon...

there's a cricket somewhere in my house... i can hear it right now, chirping away. its song reminds me of my parent's house - of the country. i miss it.
i wonder if it knows winter's coming and if it does, i wonder if it's scared...
regardless of their complete lack of responsibility (and lack of purpose - honestly, what do crickets do?), i doubt very much i would enjoy being one. only male crickets chirp, and it's usually to attract a mate. this cricket (that seems to be somewhere in the vicinity of my laundry room) is obviously alone. the chances of another cricket getting in here by hotrod are slim to none. this cricket will probably die alone, never knowing what true cricket love is really like. sad, isn't it?
without getting too introspective (i know, too late), i suppose an update on my current situation might be appreciated by my (oh, maybe two?) readers - i'm more stressed out than i have ever, ever been. for someone like me ("me" being the girl who always has something to worry about), this is a big deal. if i didn't like italics so much, i would forgo them for this whole entry - except when mentioning the big deal.
explanation - joe and i found a house. well, not just "a" house - "the" house. so, we're trying to sell ours. we have less than 40 days to do it. to say i'm concerned would be an understatement. also, i've been accepted to college for journalism - something i've always wanted to do, and something i always should have done. i applied through a program called "second career", which the mtcu (or some other acronym - i'm not 100% sure) funds. i'm supposed to start tuesday, and i haven't got word yet on whether or not i actually qualify. did i mention it's wednesday night? did i have to? does it matter?
i've never been very good at waiting, and now i'm being forced to wait for two things huge things that could change my life forever. it's not like i'm waiting in a drive-through line-up or for "gossip girl" to come back on - these are big deals. HUGE big deals...
so, i'm trying something new... "THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING". i think i'm giving up being a realist (ok - pessimist) for a bit. i'm going all "the secret" on this shit. even though the first time i watched the movie, i laughed more than i did at "borat" (and yes, i know! a lot of people just found "borat" offensive... well, i loved it! so there!), i think it might be time to try and exercise my karmic muscle a bit. stupid, crappy things have been happening to me lately, like stubbing my toe so hard i almost broke it, and ripping the ass out of my FAVOURITE jeans on my way to my orientation. frankly, the only thing i've ever done better than being a pessimist ( i mean, a realist) is rationalizing. if i can write a black-and-blue toenail off on bad energy and karma, i might even be able to prepare myself for some possibly devastating set-backs. and maybe, just maybe, if there's a grain of truth in any of this, i just may walk out of this a bit happier.
honestly, has oprah ever been wrong? i mean, "she's come undone" was freakin' phenomenal!