birthday alert...

another birthday... 26. yea. 26, no direction, no job. never thought i'd be saying that... everyone always said i had soooo much potential... awful word, potential... it always gives you hope until people start saying you had it... how can you lose potential? where does it go? who knows... all i know is that i feel i no longer posses that particular quality. there was a time where everything seemed so limitless... now it's hard to find the energy to get out of bed in the morning. getting dressed is a challenge, so i can't even begin to think how hard it's going top be to step back in the working world. what can i do, though? it's as if i've been living my life exactly the way i swore i never would - according to other's perspectives and expectations. i always tried so hard to go against the grain, and maybe by doing so, all i accomplished was tiring myself. So, when i had the option to make the choice of which way i wanted to live my life, i found myself too exhausted to fight. Expectations - your own, your spouse's or significant other's, your family's, society's... there comes a point where they seem to take over. "be skinnier! be prettier! work harder! make more money! buy better things! find a better job! fall in line! grow up..." i guess i have to look at the bright side - all of the people i love who's expectations of me should mean the most all feel i'm great... it's mostly dealing with my own expectations of myself that i'm, finding the problem. where am i supposed to be right now? how am i supposed to be acting? what am i supposed to be wearing, and how is my hair supposed to be? nobody ever said growing up would be easy, but i always thought i'd be done it by now...
happy birthday to me...