i wish someone could tell me when writing became a chore for me. i know it's something that, if i want to continue doing, and if i want to get better at, i'll have to do it more. i need to practice. it used to be so easy - i wanted to write constantly. i would write on napkins, receipts, nearly anything i could leave legible scratches on... now i have to set aside time, and it feels like i have to force myself. can anyone ever really be good at anything they have to make themselves do? i hope so... i used to be good...
anyways, taking the advice of a dear friends who's also been suffering a slight blockage (or was the last time i asked...), i've decided to write like a seinfeld episode - i'm going to write about, well, nothing (hopefully a bit more entertaining, but we'll see). it's pretty much all i've got anymore. all of the angst i used to hold has pretty much left along with the size ones and short shirts of my youth. oh well...
my days are never really eventful anymore - i get excited with small things like when someone stops by or when i can browse ebay. i can't complain, though - i know others are far worse off than i am.
my son is swinging in his ocean wonder's swing, and i'm listening to sirius coffee house instead of the typical afternoon drivel that's on tv. a song by some guy named ray lamontagne is on. he sounds like a cross between jamie walters (you know? that guy from 90210 who hit donna?) and frankie valli. not bad. this channel is normally quite interesting - a massive mix of often acceptable songs. but when something like edie brickell and the new bohemians comes on (i'm sure if you google them you'll find their only song that made it anywhere.. and probably feel slightly nauseated like i do right now..._), i'm always forced to change it. normally to faction - hip-hop, punk and rock. and i always catch the last chord of a song i would have much rather been listening to. today is no exception - the gaslight anthem - the '59 sound. even though it IS satellite radio, it feels strange to actually admit i like music that gets airplay. i never noticed how much of a musical elitist i used to be - i mean, maybe the reason some songs get airplay is because they're actually good... who knew, eh? and along comes "thrash unreal"... other than the fact she's a junkie (well, and not married and a few other things...), i get this song more than ever now... how do you let go of something that was never tangible in the first place? i look at all these young kids running around with their pink and blue hair and wonder if their parents paid for the salon appointment and wonder if they got their shirts from hot topic or h&m... i feel so old and jaded now - things were harder when i was young. i remember dying my hair with kool-aid and having to dig through thrift stores for my clothes. what are kids these days relating to? that's what it was all about - i was different because it was hard. now they all think they're individuals, but honestly, i couldn't pick my own nephew out of line-up now... tight jeans, long bangs, "vintage" concert shirts. why not just buy a uniform? and do bands like rise against realize what their anthems are fueling now? fuck... i hope not...
how did i get so jaded?
this was an incredibly pointless rant... i think i should kill it now...