now, as i look back, i do so with a smidgen of regret. what would i have seen? where would i be now? who would i be now? only with a smidgen, though. my son (who has probably inadvertently contributed to some of this wanderlust) makes me want to dig deep roots and nestle into the dirt like we snuggle into our bed at night. there are thing i know i'll never get to experience again - but there are thing everybody's missed out on. life only gives you so many windows to climb in (or in my case, fences to jump as i did much more of that in my formidable years). once those windows are closed, that's it - you can't go back.
i know this all seems kind of depressing, and to be frank, well, it is. but i'm learning there are so many other things to make me smile; i can't always dwell on the ones that make me sad.
everyday, joey learns something new. everyday, he experiences something for the first time. it's wonderful and beautiful and scary, all at the same time. it's hard for me to believe in a few years, he won;t want to snuggle or be held anymore. and a few years after that, he may actually go to spain... i certainly won't stop him. i hope i don't try to live vicariously through him; i'm sure though, if he's anything like his mother, he'll have his very own set of dreams, ideals and plans. and i'm sure many of those will fall through and be crushed as well. that saddens me immensely, but i'm beginning to think that life isn't always about the triumphs and successes - it's more about the heartaches and letdowns. those are the things that have shaped who i am, and those strengths are the ones i hope to pass on to my son more than any others i possess... impulsiveness and impetuosity are probably inherited, but real fortitude is something that has to be learned.
luckily, i have my son to teach me...
1 comment:
Beautiful April.
Everything happens for a reason, even the heartache we go through. It all shapes us into who we become.
I do think it is odd that you of all people did the least amount of travel and adventure (except for the adventure in your own backyard) It doesn't mean you have lived less or lacked some experience. That was your experience and there is no right or wrong or better.
Remember the future is still open and there are so many possibilities! Never put limits on your self and always chase the rainbow...you never know what you will find. :)
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