my, how things change...

i've come to notice the only thing constant in my blog (therefore, direct correlation to my life) is change. everything is always different when i have a chance to get on here and write. seriously - is that normal? does everyone's life swing to as many extremes as mine does? i really want to know... is it me? is it because i have such a hard time staying focused on anything, or is it because my constant trials and misgivings are probably quite amusing to the general population? not that things are bad - i (hope) think the curse that plagued me for the last year is probably over - if it is, it lasted almost exactly one year... sure - i got laid-off after the year would've been up, but i`m not sure it was such a bad thing. i don't want to be a sales person anymore! that's it - i am NOT going to take another sales-related position AGAIN! no "account managers", no "territory managers", no "account representatives"... NONE of those! i know i've said it before, and i'll probably say it again, but i am sold-out... i don't want to be good at telling people what they want... i am, though, planning on applying at a bank - i may be (well, i'm pretty sure i will be) required to sell mutual funds and other bank products... what i don't want, though, is the pressure. frankly, i've had enough of that to carry me through to retirement... even if i'm forced to retire at, like, 95...
so, as of now, i'm collecting unemployment. joe and i are (again) learning to live with smaller means and learning what's important in life. god - that sounds cheesy... my unemployment runs out in july - quite jump into the distant future... it will be summer again when it runs out! while sticking it to the man by collecting unemployment (i still can't believe how easy it it - i call or go online on friday, answer under ten questions, then on the following tuesday, there's money in the bank... i can't get over it, i swear!), job hunting is a great way to showcase some lovely character traits such as perseverance, determination, a will to succeed and a strong working ethic. anybody who knows me, though, will probably be thinking "but april, you could be taking this opportunity to write... you could be remodelling the house (again)... you could be making a social statement that traits like perseverance, determination, a will to succeed and a strong work ethic aren't that important in the grand scheme of things..." yes - those who really know me (like myself) are wondering why i even care about a job when i have, what? about eight months before i wander into dire straights? well, folks, things change. see, i need at least 600 hours to collect maternity leave. no, i'm not taking my "sticking it to the man" theory too far by faking a pregnancy, or by getting pregnant just to make a point (or the beginnings of my personal army). i actually am pregnant and happy. well, happy and confused...
so, here's a list of things i've learned (so far) about pregnancy -
1: the internet is a piece of crap. why, oh why is it so damn hard to get a straight answer on whether or not i can drink fucking herbal tea?! seriously - the internet would be much more appealing if it wasn't acting like a bi-polar chick who forgot to take her meds and is experiencing pms (sorry to all who've actually experienced this girl by spending time with me when these unfortunate times occurred - normally on a monthly basis...)! all i want is a fucking answer that coincides with at least three sites i look at in a row... how hard is that? regardless, because i saw at least one site that stated my tea ingredients are perfectly fine for myself and my unborn baby to ingest, i will be drinking my dreamland herbal tea before bed tonight...
2: mood-swings are not fun for anyone involved. my mood-swings that i experienced prior to my pregnancy are still kicking around, although they seem to occur less frequently. they really haven't involved a lot of anger - mostly just irrational tears, some hyperventilating, and a lot of hurt feelings - i'm taking freakin' everything personally right now! they also seem a little more severe. poor, poor joe...
3: "morning sickness" is not real. it should be called "all-day-feelings-of-crap-and-yuckiness"... kind of like a hangover, but i didn't have the luxury of being drunk. generally, i constantly feel on the verge of throwing up, and usually always have a headache. one of the coolest things about "morning sickness", though, is that being pregnant, i am unable to take medication for the feelings of malaise i experience. i am growing stronger everyday (and more annoyed with my sensitive stomach) - yea. that being one of the best things, the ultimate best thing would have to be that it's only supposed to last until i'm done my first trimester. i am now about six weeks - halfway there.
4: food is wonderful. i have always thought that starving wouldn't be one of the nicest things to go through, but now, i know it as "the-possible-worst-thing-that-could-ever-happen-short-of -another-holocaust-or-world-war". in conclusion, food is the best thing to ever exist (except the food that threatens to make me vomit... see above).
and finally, 5: a lot of the things i've heard and read about pregnancy don't seem to be ringing true - i've heard every time i see a baby, i'll feel pangs of longing and love. when i hear a baby cry, i'll want to cry. when my face starts turning into a pizza with extra grease and pepperoni, i'll understand because my hormones are out of whack. none of these statements are true - at all. maybe i'm weird... or a robot... world, look out - she's reproducing...